4 months check up

Xiaoyezi - Josephine is almost 4 months old now. We went to see Dr. Grimm for her 4 months check up.
Her head circ. is 16.7 inch (90%), length is 26.5 inch (90%) and weight is 15 lbs 10 oz (80%). Dr. Grimm said she is perfect! :)
She got vaccines to prevent Polio, Diphtheria, Tetanus & Pertussis and Heamophilus Influenzae Type b. 

3 months now!!

Xiaoyezi is 3 months old now! She learns how to grasp the legs of a
frog toy and enjoys the games and stories.

She weighs 14.3 pounds and is 25 inches long.

Test the new tech and celebrate for Haige's second interview

Looks like I can post anything in my mind to Josephine's blog from my
iPhone. Thanks to the new tech!

Also, haige just heard back from the hedge fund. Very happy for him!!
Thank you our Heavenly Father! We are looking forward to the offer
from this firm if it's the job You plan for Haige~

Sent from my iPhone

睡觉的神奇功效

又是两天的狂睡，小叶子小朋友从昨天开始在喝奶的间歇知道抬起头来对着妈妈微笑。昨天，我在喂奶的时候看一部蛮发人深省的文艺片，正在我很专注的时候，突然发现小叶子正仰着小脸冲我笑呢。刹时觉得很内疚，喂奶应该专心，于是我关掉电脑，把小叶子抱回卧室里扮慈母状一边和她讲话，一边喂奶。看来，小丫头已经变得很聪明了，我以后可要小心行事可别把宝贝叶子教坏了。

另有一个突飞猛进的进步，小叶子开始对歌谣有反应了。从昨天开始，我每次唱“Pad a cake"和"This little piggy"的时候，小叶子都会笑得特别开心。在此之前，我都以为小叶子是个“Sad Baby"。现在，她终于要表现子悦小朋友应有的个性了。感谢神！

睡美人的惊人变化

小叶子在连续两天的昏睡之后，终于在今天向我们展示了她的新变化。

首先是昨天晚上第一次叫“妈”。虽然她八成是没有意识的，但也足以让我这个做妈的倍感欣慰。不管怎么说，她是在夜晚需要帮助的时候发出了这样的声音。之前，我也沾沾自喜地自诩为小叶子妈，但人家小叶子可压根没承认过。这次终于修成正果。希望不是我自作多情。呵呵。

另一个新本事是可以笑出声了。清晨，我用一个puppy给她讲故事，而且用puppy的嘴巴给她挠痒痒，结果小丫头终于笑了。千金难买美人笑，我用尽百般招数终得小叶子一笑。这一笑引得她一整天都乐呵呵的，一改往日皱眉的经典表情。“子悦”这名字才稍稍和小女有些相配。

第三个本事是抓玩具。有自愿的，也有被老妈强迫的。小叶子现在总是能全神贯注地看她的crib和changing table上的mobile. 最令人惊奇的是，只有两个月的她已经开始要用小手去抓上面的小动物了。被老妈强迫的那个是摇铃。我硬是把一个小摇铃塞在她的手中。好在她也不讨厌，抓着手舞足蹈，也玩了好一阵儿。

趣事两三件

下午午休时，小叶子一觉醒来躺在大床上突然大哭。我把她抱起来发现她满头大汗，想必是太热了。于是，我让她趴在我的胸前，帮她把后被的衣服掀开散 热。一会儿，小丫头不哭了，躺在我的胸前很安静地继续睡。突然，她开始扭来扭去，好像有什么目标，只听很大的一声响屁，她似乎终于释放了，停止扭动继续懒 在妈妈的身上。看起来，小家伙已经知道怎么自我安慰，自我调节了。

下午给小叶子喂奶的时候，我突然觉得大腿好像放在水龙头下面，仔细察看发现是小叶子已经睡着了，却因为自然反射还在不停的吸奶，结果导致奶存在她的嘴里 － 哈，看来是小丫头留着下顿吃的。


另外，小叶子今天成功用单手翻身了。这实在是一个里程碑，特此记下。

小叶子第八周了！！

  不知不觉中，我们爱情的结晶小叶子马上就要八周大了！昨天给小叶子做了八周的检查，打了一些疫苗。小丫头还真是很勇敢，两针只哭了一声，然后被一个大大的拥抱安慰一下就彻底没事了。她的生长指标实在让人欣慰，99％的身高，70％的体重，80％的头围。

生命事件二

欠了很久的债

早就想要为我们的小baby开个博客，但是却始终没有行动，不得不感叹人的惰性之强大。最后终于决定重启我大学时代的blog, 算作是为生命的延续作个见证。这个博客原本始于6年半以前，甚至是在Blogger被Google收购以前。Blogger能成功被Google并购，咱也算是出了份力的。可惜咱这个博主当得实在不称职，7年间的博文数只比十个指头多一点。

言归正传。最后终于让我下定决心重出江湖，实在是因为最近的戏剧性事件太过频密，如果不记下来唯恐浪费了这么多生命中的特别经历。短短一个月的时间，我们全家共同经历了许多生与死的考验，情感上的起伏就好像过山车一波未平一波又起。

生命事件一：
自2010年8月得知小叶子在我肚子里安家以来，我就开始用尽力气保护她。努力全面展开“哺育胎儿，从我做起”的行动，吃任何零食都会打着小叶子的旗号，令到老公无言以对。老实讲，开始的一段时间我还有点“嫌弃”小叶子，觉得她来的不是时候。咱还没有做好心理准备呢，她就已经在我肚子里报到了，而且还每天“释放”大量激素让我不停地为她寻觅食物。即便这样，我这个作妈的仍然每时每刻都感到肚子饿。好不容易熬到了20周，感觉小叶子已经和我颇有感情了。她在经历了重重考验之后，仍然挂着“健康宝宝”的头衔，我还真是为她感到骄傲。一切的检查结果都显示正常，Down Syndrome 和 Trisomy 18 的比率依次是 "1 in 63662" 和 "1 in > 250,000"。但是，20周的ultrasound检查结果让我和老公有如掉入了冰窟窿。据放射科医生讲，他在我们小叶子的B超图上发现了两个和Down Syndrome相关的“Soft markers", bilateral choroid plexus cysts and an echogenic focus in the left ventricle. 医学术语比较难懂，让我来解释一下。基本上就是在左右大脑两侧各发现一个黑洞，并且在心脏上发现一个亮斑。照他的说法，我们小叶子是Down Syndrome的比例要重新调整，变为"1 in 6000", 而且建议我们去作羊水穿刺，因为这种介入型检查可以确定Down Syndrome的结果。他还附加说明羊水穿刺是有风险的，流产的几率是1：200。他甚至说你们今天就可以去作羊水穿刺，明天就能知道结果。20个星期的小叶子已经可以在我肚子里翻跟头了，我们怎么可以冒着这么大的风险去为两个没有确凿依据的“Soft markers"作羊水穿刺呢？我和医生说我们需要5分钟的时间讨论一下，再作决定。我和老公两人一起和神祷告，觉得内心是有平安的，况且即使检查结果是我们所不希望的，难道我们有权利打掉这个小宝宝么？当然没有，生命是神赐下的，没有任何人可以决定她的生死。我们和医生说我们决定不作羊水穿刺。

当然，做完这个决定我还是心中很紧张的，如果我们第一个小孩是Down Syndrome，实在是很难想像我们能否承担得起。我花了很多的时间在网上调查这两个“Soft markers"究竟代表什么，因为这个放射科医生和我的产科医生都似乎没有足够的知识来解释它们究竟意味着什么。看了无数的网上帖子，和一些相关的研究报告，结论基本如下。第一，这个检查结果很常见，基本上没有妈妈仅仅因为这两个“Soft markers"生下Down Syndrome的宝宝。第二，echogenic focus 在亚洲人中非常普遍，占到30％，所以可能和Down Syndrome根本没有什么联系。第三，这两个“Soft markers"在有Down Syndrome 和 Trisomy 18婴儿中可以看到，但是在很多健康的婴儿身上也都可以看到，很有可能就是生长发育过程中的一个正常阶段。第四，爱因斯坦的脑子里也有choroid plexus cysts，所以说不定这表示我们的小叶子是个特别聪明的小孩。当然前三点是用来安慰我自己的，第四点就纯粹是讲笑了。无论怎样，我们都会爱这个小孩，因为她是神赐给我们的天使。

生命事件二：
待下回分解。

Meeting God at Thirty-Thousand Feet

 
I did some dumb things in junior high school. I think it just comes with the territory. But one particularly dumb thing involved a theft. I didn't steal money or shoplift and I didn't take anyone's boyfriend. I simply stole a few votes.

The scene of the crime was journalism class, where those of us on the yearbook staff sat counting ballots for the school superlatives contest. Suddenly someone yelled out, "Caron! It looks like you may get enough votes to win, 'Most Talented.' "

Until that moment, I had been the epitome of average. Winning a category in the superlatives contest would skyrocket my approval rating at Glenridge Junior High. I was eking out a social existence because my friends had friends who were cool. Like a mere feeder fish, I hovered close to the big fish in hopes of sucking some algae off them.

But, I soon found out that I was not the only one up for Most Talented. Trailing close behind me was Cindy, our school's guitar-playing singer. Cindy had real talent. She was even asked to sing her original song, "Beauty," at a school assembly. My only claim to fame was the pen-and-ink drawings I did on notebooks and book covers. Hardly a class went by that I didn't get at least one request for " Judy & Johnny 4-Ever," or " S. M. loves T. P."

Clearly, my talent was no match for Cindy's. Someone important once said, "The pen is mightier than the sword." But no one ever mentioned how the pen would do against the guitar. Guitars were big deals. I knew if I didn't do something fast, I would live my whole life in obscurity.
So, while votes were being tallied for other categories, I secretly grabbed a handful of uncounted ballots and tossed them in the trash. I was pretty sure no one saw me. I should have felt guilty, but I didn't.

At the end of the day, I had won. And suddenly the demand for notebook art increased a good forty percent.

Why it took God fifteen years to confront me on this, I'll never know. But it was He who brought it up one morning in my prayer time. By then we were on a first name basis and He had full permission to speak to me about anything that bothered Him. Here is an abbreviated version of our conversation:

Me: God, I want to be all I can be for you. I've searched my heart for anything that might be standing in the way of this and I've come up empty. I think I've dealt with all the sins I've ever committed. But I'll just sit here and wait for you to go through your files and see if you have something there I may have left out.

God: Well, there was that time in junior high school.

Me: Which time?

God: Most Talented.

Me: You saw that? It was such a long time ago. Surely you have a statute of limitations or some kind of cut off date for people who do dumb things prior to high school.

God: Not really.

Me: But I'm twelve hundred miles away. No telling where Cindy is. Do you realize the difficulty I would have in finding her? Okay, here's what I'll do. If one day I'm walking down the street and I happen to see her, I'll know you sent her and I'll make things right with her. Fair enough?

God: Fair enough.

I felt pretty safe. I hadn't seen Cindy in years. The odds of running into her in another state were microscopic.

Six months later, my husband and I were racing through the airport trying a catch a plane. When we reached the door of the 747, it has just been shut. My husband, forever the determined optimist, banged on the door as the noise of the engines accelerated. Suddenly a nice flight attendant with exceptional hearing came to our rescue and opened the door.
We made our way to the back of the plane, comparing our tickets to the numbers overhead until we found a match. I plopped down in the middle seat assigned to me. Using my polite voice I said, "Hello," to a woman next to me who was looking out the window. When she returned my greeting, adrenaline shot through me. In unison we both exclaimed, "Oh, my gosh! I can't believe it!"

There was Cindy, the guitar-playing singer.

A boxing match began inside me. From one corner came the feeling of someone who had just been given a million dollars. And from the other came the emotions of a hunted felon. Immediately I began carrying on two conversations, one on the surface with Cindy, the other internally with God.

Me: You actually found her! This is an outright miracle! I can't believe You are forcing me to do this. You really are into the details, aren't You?

God: Yes.

From takeoff to landing, Cindy and I chattered away, but all I could think of was how, out of the hundreds of thousands of people on airplanes that day, God looked for a needle in a haystack, found it, threaded it and placed it in my hand.

My palms started to sweat. I swallowed hard. No use stalling any longer. It was time to let Cindy in on the whole story. "Cindy," I said. "You're not going to believe this but it's no accident we met today. Several months ago, I promised God I would make things right if our paths should ever cross again."

As I explained, Cindy laughed. She easily forgave me. It barely phased her. I felt like scolding God for orchestrating such an ordeal. Then a familiar quote popped into my mind, " To whom much is given, much is required." God knew that if I'd confess a small matter from the past, he could trust me with greater responsibilities in the future.

I felt far from the epitome of average.

The Christmas Star

 
This was my grandmother's first Christmas without Grandfather, and we had promised him before he passed away that we would make this her best Christmas ever. When my mom, dad, three sisters and I arrived at her little house in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina, we found she had waited up all night for us to arrive from Texas. After we exchanged hugs, Donna, Karen, Kristi and I ran into the house. It did seem a little empty without Grandfather, and we knew it was up to us to make this Christmas special for her.

Grandfather had always said that the Christmas tree was the most important decoration of all. So we immediately set to work assembling the beautiful artificial tree that was stored in Grandfather's closet. Although artificial, it was the most geniuine-looking Douglas fir I had ever seen. Tucked away in the closet with the tree was a spectacular array of ornaments, many of which had been my father's when he was a little boy. As we unwrapped each one, Grandmother had a story to go along with it. My mother strung the tree with bright white lights and a red button garland; my sisters and I carefully placed the ornaments on the tree; and finally, Father was given the honor of lighting the tree.

We stepped back to admire our handiwork. To us, it looked magnificent, as beautiful as the tree in Rockefeller Center. But something was missing.

"Where's your star?" I asked.
The star was my grandmother's favorite part of the tree.
"Why, it must be here somewhere," she said, starting to sort through the boxes again.
"Your grandfather always packed everything so carefully when he took the tree down."

As we emptied box after box and found no star, my grandmother's eyes filled with tears. This was no ordinary ornament, but an elaborate golden star covered with colored jewels and blue lights that blinked on and off. Moreover, Grandfather had given it to Grandmother some fifty years ago, on their first Christmas together. Now, on her first Chirstmas without him, the star was gone too."

Don't worry, Grandmother." I reassured her. "We'll find it for you."My sistems and I formed a search party."Let's start in the closed where the ornaments were," Donna said. "Maybe the box just fell down."That sounded logical, so we climbed on a chair and began to search that tall closet of Grandfather's. We found Father's old yearbooks and photographs of relatives, Christmas cards from years gone by, and party dresses and jewelry boxes, but no star.We searched under beds and over shelves, inside and outside, until we had exhausted every possibility. We could see Grandmother was disappointed, although she tried not to show it."We could buy a new star," Kristi offered."I'll make you one from construction paper." Karen chimed in."No," Grandmother said. "This year, we won't have a star."By now it was dark outside, and time for bed, as Santa would soon be here. We lay in bed, snowflakes falling quietly outside.

The next morning, my sisters and I woke up early, as was our habit on Christmas day -- first, to see what Santa had left under the tree, and second, to look for the Christmas star in the sky. After a traditional breakfast of apple pancakes, the family sat down together to open presents. Santa had brought me the Eask-Bake Oven I wanted, and Donna a Chatty-Cathy doll. Karen was thrilled to get the doll buggy she had asked for, and Kristi to get the china tea set. Father was in charge of passing out the presents, so that everyone would have something to open at the same time.

"The last gift is to Grandmother from Grandfather," he said, in a puzzled voice."From who?" There was surprise in my grandmother's voice."I found that gift in Grandfather's closet when we got the tree down," Mother explained. "It was already wrapped so I put it under the tree. I thought it was one of yours.""Hurry and open in," Karen urged excitedly.

My grandmother shakily opened the box. Her face lit up with joy when she unfolded the tissue paper and pulled out a glorious golden star.

There was a note attached. Her voice trembled as she read it aloud:
Don't be angry with me, dear. I broke your star while putting away the decorations, and I couldn't bear to tell you. Thought it was time for a new one. I hope it brings you as much joy as the first one.
 
Merry Christmas.
 
Love,
Bryant

So Grandmother's tree had a star after all, a star that expressed my grandparents' everlasting love for one another. It brought by grandfather home for Christmas in each of our hearts and made it our best Christmas ever.

The Best One

 
Blessed indeed is the man who hears manygentle voices call him father!Lydia M. Child
When I was a little girl, my father had a time-honored tradition of tucking me into bed. Following my bedtime story, he would give me a nose kiss, tickle my stomach and whisper the most wonderful words into my ear. "Michelle, of all the little girls in the whole wide world . . ." he would pause.

"Yes, Daddy?"
"How did your mommy and I get so lucky to get the best one?"
Before he had time to finish, I would say, "You got me!" And then he would continue, "The best little girl in the whole wide world, and we got you."
"You got me!" I would scream and clap.
"Yes, you, Michelle, and we're so lucky." He would end with a bear hug and another kiss to my forehead.

Years passed and my father never missed a night, even when I thought he should have. After my basketball team was defeated, he came into my room.
"Michelle, of all the basketball players in the whole wide world," he paused.
"Yes, Daddy?" I stared at the floor.
"How did your mom and I get so lucky to get the best one?"
"You didn't."
"Of course we did, Michelle. We have you."
"But, Dad . . ."
"Yes, you, Michelle, and we're so lucky," he cheered, as he gave me a high five followed by a bear hug and a kiss to my forehead. I thought becoming a teenager would end the ritual, but it didn't.
"Michelle, of all the teenagers in the whole wide world . . ." he would pause.
"Dad, I'm too old for this," I would sigh.
"How did your mother and I get so lucky to get the best one?"
"C'mon, Dad," I grunted.
"We have you, Michelle, and we're so lucky." Then the embarrassing hug and kiss.

Following college, I became engaged. My father never missed a night to call or leave a message reminding me how special I was to him. I even wondered if he would continue calling after I got married, but he didn't. The daily calls I had taken for granted all my life ended the day he died from cancer, only weeks before my wedding.

I deeply missed sharing the day with my father.
Standing behind the white church doors with my arm in my brother's, I waited for the wedding march to begin. Before we began our descent down the aisle, my brother reached inside his pocket and handed me an ivory napkin embroidered with pink ribbon.
Inscribed were the words:

Of all the precious wives in the whole wide world, how did Mark get so lucky to marry the best one? He married you, Michelle, and he is so lucky!
I am so proud of you, my little girl.
Love,
Dad

Without a doubt, it was the best wedding gift I received. One I would never forget. My father showered me with his gifts every day of his life. How did I get so lucky?

What matters most?

Life is all about love. The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now.

The Armor of God

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the ful armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

A girl from London

I had dinner with a girl I met at church tonight and she was born in London. We talked a lot from the God's love to the art & literature. She is not able to speak in a normal speed due to a traffic accident. Although she can think about what she wants to say immediately, the words may be jammed before she speaks it out. However, she can still take an optimistic view of life. She told me that she was attacked by the failure of a certified exam. Being a teacher has been a dream to her for a very long time, however, 'coz of her speaking barrier, she could not figure it out. Her heart was nearly broken by the teacher's cruel evaluation. I comforted her to try again and I said I would like to help her find a way to be improved. I could pretend to be a student and raise up some questions to practise her reaction. What a cruel fact it is for her, but she can still stand up firmly without much complaining. Her faithful heart impressed me a lot and she said she believed the God's arrangement was always the best. Compared with her experience, what I am facing is nothing at all. May God bless her!

After dinner, she showed me some postcards from the National Gallery in London and shared her favourite artists with me. I also learnt a lot about each painting's background and the painting styles from her. We also discussed that we could start learning oil painting together from next week.

Before I knowing her story, I felt quite weird that why for a native speaker she could not speak English very fluently. Now, I got to know the reason and felt a little guilty for my impatience when I talked with her via phone. I guess what I can help her now is to listen to her carefully and help her to rebuild up the confidence. She is a lovely girl with a purified heart, even though she doesn't own pretty appearance. She said when she saw me for the first time, she was very shocked that I was very like one of her friends, a popular girl with a cute face. She said she admired me 'coz I always show a smilling face to all and wouldn't feel lonely at all. However, who knows, for me, it's hard to find the true love. I guess it's also the God's arrangement to refine my heart before the true love.

Some moved words from the Bible

"And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else."

"Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold on to the good. Avoid every kind of evil."

Life and Death

After a struggling with myself and the God, at last, I come out from the down period. Now, everything is becoming much better, as well as my status. I celebrated this change with some ice cream and some beautiful music. I always want to praise the God from my heart when I see a appealing scenery including the blue sky, the white floating clouds, the lovely birds... ... Life is beautiful, isn't it?

However, there are so many people ignore the loveliness of the world, and in their hearts, the agony dominates their lives. From their points of views, the world is black and white instead of a colorful one. Extremely, some of them choose suicide as the end of their lives.

Last night, I got to know that a PG student from mainland committed suicide, falling down from the Jockey Club Building. I was really shocked when I heard this piece of news. He is a PhD student who will graduate very soon. Why he chose this way to end his precious life? This incident recalls me many similar cases in the world.

Are they cowards or warriors to the fate? From one side, they refuse to be alive any more, and they dare not face the difficulties encountered in their lives, thus they are cowards; on the other hand, they feel meaningless to continue their lives, and they fight with the society and the fate in this way, while someone even praise them to be warriors. However, the standard of life and death should not be set by human-beings, because we are created by the God and we should follow the principle from the God. Everyone's existance is not an accident or coincidence, it may not be designed by his/her parents, but God designs everything. Everyone has his own talents and he has the responsibility to do contribution to the society. Life is a kind of responsibility instead of a game. The participant is not a player to end the game anytime he wants, oppositely, he has to consider the life as an important task and he needs to make full use of his talents given by the God, overcome any problems he encountered, fight with the strong storms as a navigator and at last show his works to the God.

I prayed for this boy last night after I got the e-mail, but he died eventually. I hope there won't be any tragedies like this and I hope the gospel can help as many people as possible. God, please let them know the mission, their responsibilities and the love from you. In Jesus name, I pray.

One More Poem ---- It Reflects My Current Feeling Accurately

Wait
--Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."


"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.


"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.


"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."


Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"


He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.


"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.


"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.


"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.


"The glow of my comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.


"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if you missed what I'm doing in you.


"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

A Poem from the Book "Purpose Driven Life"

You Are Not an Accident
--Russell Kelfer

You are who you are for a reason.
You are part of an intricate plan.
You are a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You are just what he wanted to make.

The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.

No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!

A long break with my dear BLOG

Dear blog, I am sorry that I forgot to pour water for you for a long time. It's not because you are not lovely anymore, it's due to my grey feeling these days. I could not be as active as usual in the past a few days, and I even thought the God blocked his ears in front of me. I really want to be a lovely and responsible one to all the people around me like the God, work hard to glorify him, however, I am not capable enough. I especially noticed my personal limitation and shortcomings these days, greedy and lazy, proud and boastful. It's me? Sigh... unbelievable, but it's true. God, please give me enough encouragement and energy to get rid of those unpleasant spots. I don't want to be perfect as you, but I, myself even hate those behaviors. How can I treat everyone fairly? How can I only seek for truth, but no luxaries any more? Am I an ideal girl? Please give me a solution, since sometimes, I am worried about the big difference between the real world and the purified one described in the Bible.

However, I want to show my thankful heart to you too. I chatted with my elder cousin Yan Yan JJ this week. We two are quite similar with each other, with a changeable mind, a good appearance and figure from others' eyes, popular but always fail in the love issue, independent but fragile at the same time. She told me that she was so moved that she could not help bursting into tears when reading the Bible! She said she was a stubborn kid of the God, but she never gave up, 'coz she's quite certain that the God loves us! I was very moved by the words and I am nearly in the same situation. Many times, I struggled with myself, wanted to throw away the reputation, the wealth, the position and many other things to follow the God, to seek for the truth. But I am really weak compared with many other brothers and sisters. I feel shy for that... Dear Father, if you are listenning to my prayer, please help me.